I feel these days that there are two maybe three types of people. Those who believe that family comes first always, those who believe family knows best but doesn't always come first because there are more important things in life, and those who believe that after a certain age your family should take a back seat and stop meddling in your life. For the longest time I thought i belonged to the second group....today I found out that I am still firmly planted in the first group. Now I'm not saying that one group is better than the other, only that I thought I was more independent that I actually am.
I thought that if i was with someone that my family, that my parents, didn't approve of that I would be ok and just shake it off. After all it's my life not their's and they should respect my decisions on who I want to be with....right? But no, to actually hear them say that they would never approve of the person I had picked for myself was devastating to me. I didn't think it was going to hurt so much, and so I did the only thing I thought I could do. I broke it off....and I felt terrible for it. But slowly I am starting to feel better, to know that this time it wasn't me, or him, it was THEM. They made me do it, it wasn't because he didn't like me, or that I thought he was a lying cheat, or anything to do with us. It was all them, and though that seems messed up on so many levels....it makes the whole thing ok in my head. As long as it wasn't me....as long as the blame lays elsewhere. I can blame it on my family values and be done with it.
I still resent them just a bit though. But they are my family, and I love them. And they love me, and beyond everything else at least I can be sure in that....if nothing else.
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